The Fellowship of the Ring, Xmenized
by Elyndewen Startree
Summary: It's the Fellowship of the Ring with one little twist: several select characters have the powers of one of the Xmen! CHAPTER 3 IS UP, AS OF NOW, thanks for waiting so long! Don't forget to R+R!!!
1. Welcome, Dear Gandalf! Please go back!

Okey dokey. I'm sure that you all know about the Lord of the Rings (why else would you be reading this?), and hopefully you know enough about the Xmen to understand my story. But for those who are Xmen-ly challenged, I have written a short description for you below. If you do know about Xmen, you may either enjoy this piece of my brilliance, or skip it and read the rest of my brilliance, your choice. Hey, y'all, R+R! The Xmen are all mutants with an additional "X" gene in their genetic make- ups, thus the name "Xmen", though Xpeople would be less sexist. Each one has a special talent or feature, thanks to the "X" gene, which I have listed below. I will add more as needed. SHADOWCAT: can pass through solids SPYKE: spikes grow out of his body JEAN GREY: telepathic (reads minds), telekinetic (moves stuff with her mind) CYCLOPS: laser vision (can I get any more specific?) PROFESSOR XAVIER: telepathic, strongest mind in the universe, founder of the Xmen WOLVERINE: metal claws, much older than he looks NIGHTCRAWLER: teleporting HANK: gorilla-man ICE MAN: freezes stuff, duh! STORM: creates whatever weather she wants MAGNETO: attracts metal things magnetically TOAD: acts like one, moves like one, eats like one (gross!) Okay. I'm tired of explaining stuff to you. My story begins NOW! (Scroll down!) *~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~* One day in the Shire, Professor Xavier-I mean Gandalf the Grey was riding into Hobbiton on his wheelchair-I mean his horse and fireworks cart. He was in the middle of singing his favorite song, when he was surprised by and unusually short Shadowcat (oops, that's Frodo!) gliding up through the floor of the cart. They exchange "Hallo, dear Frodo!" and "How's Bilbo?" and all that jazz. Then they're attacked by an army of vicious, curly- haired computer viruses-oops, sorry, they're only little hobbit kids who are bored out of their wits and want Professor Xavier--Gandalf to set off highly dangerous explosives. Gandalf and Frodo, their adrenaline levels going back to normal, smile at the naïve little hobbit children, and Gandalf decides to put himself, Frodo, and 15 little hobbit children in danger of fire. Then Frodo, becoming aware of the danger that he was in this close to Gandalf with fireworks, gave Gandalf a hurried goodbye, and passes through the wall of the cart before hurriedly running away. Gandalf continued riding his cart (which was still filled with numerous, dangerous explosives) up to Bag End. On his way, he spent lots of time muttering to himself indiscernibly over absurdly loud Shire theme music. Eventually, the Prof-the Istari (hee hee) ended up in front of the home of Bilbo Baggins. After ignoring a very rude sign and a very rude comment from Bag End's inhabitant, Gandalf asks a stupid question and the door opens. The cause is a, hel-lo, can we say short fashion emergency? It's Bilbo, of course. They exchange a hug (hmmmm, methinks it looks a mite suspicious) and too many boring pleasantries (which, luckily for you, I can't remember, and therefore cannot write down) outside, before they go inside together. Then they talk about food for several minutes (a hobbit's favorite subject) blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, Gandalf (being the rude guest that he is) created a huge dent in an eave (so there are eaves at Bag End-will use that later), broke several chandelier bulbs and shuffled through his host's private documents. Then he snuck up behind Bilbo and surprised him ("Oh the tragedy!" thought Bilbo, "I almost dropped my cheese!"). Bilbo and Gandalf carry on a veeery boring, thankfully short, conversation. Then Bilbo is once again surprised, this time by a short old lady who resembled a mushroom (Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, who, for all I know, could in fact be a mushroom). At this point, Bilbo is having a really rough day, so he goes and takes a nap. (That's my theory anyway. There's a scene change, so for all you know, I'm correct.) Several hours later, Bilbo and Gandalf are shown filling their lungs with excess amounts of tar and nicotine. In other words, they're smoking pipeweed. They make several comments on the pipeweed, and then decide that it was time for a "Let's See Who Can Make the Most Interesting Thing Out of Their Pipeweed contest. Naturally, Gandalf wins. Professor Xa-Gandalf seems to have a built in affinity with flammable material, doesn't he? "Gandalf, my friend," says Bilbo, taking another draw from the pipe. "This will be a night to remember." *~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~* *hee hee, cliffhanger ending* Okay peeps: Read and Review..NOW! (just click the little box at the bottom of the page) 


	2. Bilbo's Birthday Party! Oh boy, cake!

Several hours later, hobbits are doing normal party stuff: dancing, talking, drinking, eating, eating some more, eating even more.(I could go on like this for pages, but I'll spare you).  
  
Shadowcat, no Frodo ( why are these so darn hard to remember?) was doing his infamous (meaning famous in a bad way) "Russian-Chicken Dance." You know the one, where Frodo sticks his fists in his armpits and flaps his newfound "wings" before bobbing up and down stupidly, grinning the whole time as people stared at him and laughed. He continues dancing while Pippin with laser vision (Cyclops, people!) plays a ukulele in a hobbit band, Merry uses telekinesis to wait tables (Jean!) and Spyke, wait that's Sam, drinks tankard after tankard full of ale. Bilbo is wandering around greeting guests and telling young hobbit children inappropriately disturbing, nightmare-causing stories. Actually, they were just random excerpts from 101 Ways to Cook Shirefolk, or perhaps Hobbit-Slaughtering for Utter Morons, or maybe a gruesome, botched combination? Finally, we find Gandalf, once again, entertaining himself and hobbits with dangerous, flammable objects, and encouraging young inexperienced hobbits to follow in his footsteps.  
  
Several minutes later, we see Frodo dance out of the crowd (much to the relief of hobbits who actually know how to dance) and bang into a bench, conveniently landing right next to Sam. Frodo, being the very nosy friend that he is, begins to pester Sam about his (known) crush.  
  
"C'mon, Sam!" he insists. "Ask Rosie for a dance! (Pronounced "donce")"  
  
"I think I'll just have another ale," replies Sam sullenly. Oooooooooooo, he's a ladies man, er, hobbit. (Yeah, right!)  
  
"Oh no you shan't!" cries Frodo before grabbing Spy-Sam and throwing him onto the dance floor, er, dance field, perfectly positioned to start dancing with Rosie immediately. Frodo, after tugging numerous pointy sticks out of his hands, begins to laugh at Sam. In argument to common theory, Frodo is laughing, not at Sam's success, but at the ridiculously hilarious picture they make. She's taller than he is! *Snigger!*  
  
Several minutes later, we see Jea-Merry (!) and Cy-Pippin (!!) sneaking up to Gandalf's cart of dangerous explosives. Merry uses his powers of telekinesis to help (more like toss) Pippin into the cart. After carefully sorting through for several minutes, they finally select the largest and most dangerous firework and take it away. We briefly see Gandalf laughing merrily (cackling insanely?), once again encouraging young hobbits to grab dangerous hot things. Geez, this must be some sort of hobby.  
  
Now back to Jean and Cyclops, er, Merry and Pippin. Pippin uses his laser vision to light the fuse, and says brightly to Merry, "Done!"  
  
"We're s'posed to stick it in the ground!"  
  
"It is in the ground!"  
  
"Outside!"  
  
"This was your idea! (Suspiciously feminine scream)"  
  
The firework launches, carrying the tent with it. It bursts into the air, explodes the tent, turns into a dragon, and swoops down to attack helpless, quaint, short (no duh!). Only Gandalf would make or own something like this (I think). Anyway, Frodo decides that it's time for him to fulfill his quota (1) of heroic acts per chapter. He runs up to Bilbo, warning the fashion-emergency poster hobbit to duck, because there's a dragon about to attack him. Since Bilbo is protesting, Frodo runs forward and tackles him preventing the chance of having him look even worse, due to singed hair. The firework dragon clears the hobbits, and drifts away, sparking into nothing and then, just as the hobbits are getting a good put down, it explodes once again into a spectacular, normal firework.  
  
We see Merry and Pippin looking very disheveled, but very excited. As they talk excitedly about Gandalf's explosives and start off to get a second one, their ears are nearly ripped out as Gandalf grabs them. We momentarily see their true, ugly faces before they look up at Gandalf.  
  
"Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took,"says Gandalf all smarty- pantsishly. "I should have known. (The following was deleted from the movie.) Who else would foolishly steal my precious fireworks? Well, you'll be sorry, make no mistake!"  
  
The scene changes, and we see Merry and Pippin doing the dishes as Gandalf sullenly fills his lungs with unhealthy toxins, having been forbidden from lighting any more fireworks.  
  
We hear cries for Bilbo to make a speech (they must have been veeeeeery drunk to have asked for such a thing.). He makes references to Bagginses, Boffins, Tooks, Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Burrowses, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses, Proudfoots (or was it Proudfeet?), and Sackville-Bagginses. Then he goes on to say how old he is (which everyone already knew) and why they were all gathered at the party place (besides to celebrate a birthday and eat). He talks about Frodo (during this part, all the guests almost fall asleep, or maybe that was just me). Then comes the grand finale.  
  
"I regret to announce that this is the end," says Bilbo, taking something out of his pocket and looking quite suspicious. "I am going now. I wish you all a very fond farewell. GOOD BYE."  
  
Then he disappeared.  
  
A/N:  
  
Thank you, to all of you who reviewed, as well as to those who are reading this for the first time.  
  
Magic Carpet Ride: Here's the update you wanted. Help! I need a fire- creating Xmen  
member, and I need to know what exactly Rogue does.  
  
buttered-onions: Of course it's funny, I wrote it! You really need to watch the TV show,  
so that you can have some idea of what I'm talking about.  
  
lady of the tower: A little more about my story, please 


	3. Goodbye, Dear Bilbo! Not!

When Bilbo, thankfully invisible, *Phew, I don't have to look at his ugly outfits any more! Hallelujah!* arrived in Bag End, he took off the Ring. *Oh, darn it!*  
  
He chuckled merrily as he walked into his living room. Then Gandalf surprised him, again. This just seems to keep happening, doesn't it? Case of déjà vu?  
  
"I suppose you think that was terribly clever," said Gandalf, all wise-ishly.  
  
"Come on, Gandalf," said Bilbo. "It was just a bit of fun. Oh, you're probably right, as usual."  
  
"There are many magic rings in this world, Bilbo Baggins," said Gandalf, boringly. "And none of them should be used lightly." Emphasis on that last word, just in case the italics don't work when I post this.  
  
"Well too bad," Bilbo said, pouting sulkily. "You're just a stupid poop- head!" (Can you believe that he thinks he's old?! Oh well, I guess hobbits are always young at heart. Or maybe young at brain.). *This scene was later cut from the movie, at the request of Ian Holm*  
  
They talk for a long time. I was sooooo boring, I think I fell asleep, last time I watched it. (Slow fast-forwarding VCRs really bug me.) So, we'll skip to the leaving of Bilbo (Hurrah!!!) and the entrance of Frodo. (Oh darn, I thought going forward would bring something better.) So, Bilbo walks out of the door, after a dramatic dropping of the Ring at a dramatic speed of .231 mph. (Something else boring.) And walks down the road, singing a song he wrote himself:  
  
The Road goes ever On and On,  
Down from the Do-or where it began,  
  
(And enter, Frodo.) We hear Frodo's voice calling, "Bilbo! Bilbo!" and he rushes through the door. He looks around Bag End, and sees Gandalf sitting by the fire. (Did he suddenly look even more disappointed, or was I just imagining it?)  
  
"He's gone, hasn't he?" Well, don't see him anywhere; do you, Frodo, bedarned blind son-of-drowned-Drogo?  
  
Frodo looks down at the floor (But why?) where now lies Bilbo's Ring. (Funeral march, please!) A change comes over Frodo. He leans over to pick up the Ring, and many words flash through his mind, many of which are along the lines of: Ooohoohoo! Prettyprettyprettypretty, oooooo, precious, my precious, my pretty precious, ooohoohoo, precious, prettyprettyprettyprettyprettyprettyprettypretty!! Preciooooooouuuuuuussss!!!  
  
He picks up the Ring and walks over to Gandalf. Gandalf has been sitting in a chair, thinking, during all of this. We can tell that he's comfortable, because he's sitting in a wooden chair in front of the fire, puffing a very smoky pipe. As he pumps gallons of nicotine and tar into his lungs, he mutters "Riddles of the Dark" and "Precious."  
  
When Frodo comes to stand next to him, he looks very surprised. Why? Because the Ring hadn't been phased (finally, I found the right word!!!) through Shadowcat, er, Frodo's hand. Just kidding! Actually, he's surprised because "Frodo" could hold the Ring without be affected by the evil evil Dark Lord Sauron!!! (dunh dunh dunnnnnhhh!!!) *hee hee hee, scary music!! Be afraid, Frodo, be very afraid!!*  
  
So, anyway, they spend several minutes talking about Bilbo (yawn.how very boring) and finally establish that Gandalf (or Frodo, but he doesn't count) has no idea what he's talking about.  
  
Their conclusion is that Gandalf needs to take a ride on his Pretty Pretty Pony to figure out what the heck they're talking about. Frodo hears something about "secret and safe" before Gandalf whisks away to find answers to his "questions, questions that need answering, you'll be alright, Frodo." So, Gandalf rides away on his prized My Little Pony, life- size. 


	4. Author's Interlude

My dear readers, I seem to have neglected to answer your reviews, a dreadful mistake on my part. So, here are the answers, though, regretfully, there isn't a new chapter attached.  
  
buttered-onions: But I love Frodo's Russian Chicken Dance! .or did you mean beyond  
making fun of it?  
  
Magic Carpet Ride: Here's more! I won't be using Pyro for a while, (a veeeeerrry long  
while, actually) but thanks anyway!  
  
lemmings-please: Yes, you do have to be on subject. .and I hate weasels!!!! Ha ha!!! 


End file.
